I, am probably the most pessimistic person in the world.
I was scared of the world when I was little, constantly having nightmares with fears of strangers. I still remember that one I had before school age, that everyone on earth had the same blurred, pale white paint face, moving around a few inches above ground without any movement of the legs, kind of like ghosts, i could not hide from them, since they were everywhere. I hadn’t seen any ghost movies then.
Today, I’m not scared of people anymore, but my perspective has shifted to the ugliness of human and the dark side of the humanity.
I wanted to learn about Psychology, mostly fascinated about the dark side of the human psychology, and what is the internal motives for people to do the things that they do. But I winced since I started to realize in order to peep into other people’s mind, I’d have to dig into my own emotional garbage, locked doors, dark secrets in order to understand who I am. The idea of that frightens me. As pessimistic as I am, emerge into too many negatives things would have destroyed me.
I picked Arts and Cultural, since i thought whatever I learn would be harmless. But it turns out, the arts can also be expressed in a shocking way that mimic the act of inhumanity and even horror. I was deeply sad and disgusted by the Man eating Fetus act by that so called Performing artist. And there must be something in his head that made sense of all these, but it doesn’t appear obvious to others. There again, the psychology comes into play.